I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize