Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
