I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
