Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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