ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
