my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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