2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I AM VODKA MAN
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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