If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
