The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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