Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
