Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
