Yo dont text me then not text me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
