I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
