I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize