Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
