I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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