we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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