if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
