just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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