Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize