In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
