it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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