the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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