google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
