Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
