you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
