How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
