College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize