he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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