So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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