Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
