I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
