I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
