you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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