Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Houston, we have a blender
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
