Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
