I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
