Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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