My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
