pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
