Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize