That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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