im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
