Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
