Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Im part way to drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
