I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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