we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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