I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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