I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm at about main and main street
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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