I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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