How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
