she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
