I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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