Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
