some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
