There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How does it feel to date your dad?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
