hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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