Plan B is the new Plan A
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
