I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pooping to opera.
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