I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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