but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
