I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
