soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't tell me you're on acid again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
