i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
