His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
