I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
