come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize