So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
