i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize