sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
