Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
