Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
