i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
