I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
