I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
