Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
