Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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