C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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