does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
