I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize