the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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