Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
