we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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