Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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