I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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