Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
someone owes me an orgasm
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I will be naked everywhere
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize