How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
