We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
