i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
