so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
