Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
