UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
