I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize