it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
