I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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