dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
