I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
