Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Watching her eat just hurts me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
