i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's the barista slut.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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