I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
