Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
