I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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