so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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