im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you never un-have a 4some
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
