I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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