i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am one with the molecules
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
