Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
