Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
