Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I party with great urgency now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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