I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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